Sunday, January 31, 2010

Letting Go: Part One

I came to a turning point in yesterday's private lesson with Ben. We were talking about relaxing while grappling and going with the flow of your opponent. That day, I had been in a grapple with a guy who is bigger than me, who goes hard and who uses a lot of muscle. I told Ben that, when I grapple people like that, I find myself tensing up and returning to my bad habit of gripping hard and locking up in defense. I stop moving well and I my game goes down the tubes. I told him that my fear is that if I relax when I roll against this person, they will just completely overwhelm me.

Ben understood exactly what I meant. But he told me something that really made me think. He said, "Eventually, you're just going to have take a leap of faith. Let go of control and relax, and trust in the technique you've learned."

I can see that he's right. I mean, when I watch Fabio or Ben or Brian Morgan or any of the higher belts at my school roll, they aren't rigid and tense. They are breathing even, relaxing and moving fluidly. And despite my fears to the contrary, they aren't being overwhelmed, even when their opponent is much bigger or stronger.

If I want to take my game to the next level, I have to do exactly what Ben said. I have to let go of control and trust.

This morning as I was getting ready for church, JJ and I got into an argument over who had to get Noah ready. Most married couples with young children have had arguments like this before. You're in a rush, you have a thousand things to do, the young child seems to be doing everything they can to stop you from getting all those things done and you want help from your spouse. Problem is, they are just as busy as you are. And they resent you trying to dump more work on them.

As I drove to church--getting ready to teach the morning Sunday School lesson--I felt convicted. Here I am about to teach kids about growing in their walk with God and I just came out of a petty argument with my husband. Can we say hypocrisy? I know everyone makes mistakes, but it's not just this morning. There is an underlying edge of frustration in my daily life that has cropped up over the past few months.

I feel like I'm banging my head against a wall. I am working hard, but seeing little results I try to make plans, but they get derailed. I feel like I'm failing a lot of times and I feel overwhelmed by all my responsibilities.

What does this have to do with Jiu-jitsu, you might ask? Well, as I was driving, God turned on a lightbulb in my head. I realized the problem I am facing in my BJJ game is exactly the same as the problem I am facing in my life off the mat.

I'm trying too hard to control things.

It's natural to want to bend situations in way that will benefit you. It's called self-preservation. And, when things get stressful--just like when I am rolling against a bigger, stronger opponent--I hunker down and go into defense mode. I think only about survival and lose sight of what God wants me to be learning/doing in the situation I am in. Instead of relying on Him, like He has taught me, I revert back to my old habits of trying to force things to go my way. Guess what? That strategy ain't working out too great for me.

Eventually, I am going to have to let go of control. I can't make things happen the way I want them to. But I CAN control the way I respond when my plans suddenly get changed. I can choose to either freak out and try to force my way to keep happening, or I can adjust and ask God what opprotunities I can find in this new set of circumstances.

It's just like adjusting when you're rolling in BJJ. If you try to force a certain thing to happen when your opponent is giving you resistance, what usually happens is you get locked up. Instead of accomplishing what you want, you get frustrated and waste all your energy. A lot of times it leads to youmaking mistakes and your opponent gaining control of the fight. What we should do instead is go with the flow and look for ways to capitolize off the "problem" (your opponent resisting you).

It all comes back to faith. In the case of BJJ, it's faith in the technique I've learned. Do I believe it works? If yes, then let go of control and put it to the test. In the case of my life in general, it's faith in God. Do I believe His principles work? Do I believe He loves me and has a plan and will take care of me? If yes, then let go of control and live like it.