"You Need to Believe"

Recently I had one of those days. Actually, it had been one of those months. It seemed like every time I grappled, nothing was working. It was especially frustrating because the people who I was having the most trouble with were big white belt guys. I kept getting angry because it seemed like they were just muscling past my guard and holding me, not really moving. But as much as I tried to blame them, I knew the problem was with myself. I felt like I should have been able to defend better against them; to control the fight more.

That day in particular, I tried to run off the mat right after class. I had been close to tears all throughout my last grapple and I knew I wouldn't be able to keep the frustration off my face. I needed to get out of there.

But Fabio caught my arm as I was leaving and asked what was wrong. I am sure he already knew, but I told him anyways. I was frustrated. I was trying, but nothing was working. I told him I didn't know what to do.

"You do know what to do," he told me. "You know what to do, but you're afraid. You have the technique, you just need to believe."

He explained to me that I needed to move my hips more and not try to hold those guys in my guard. He gave me a few examples of specific things I was doing wrong. At the time, I didn't say anything. I was too frustrated. I couldn't decide if he was right or if he was overestimating my ability.

But I went home and thought about it and realized he was right. I was afraid. Afraid of getting my guard passed, afraid of getting into a bad position, afraid of getting submitted. And because I was afraid, I was trying to stay in guard, which is my safe zone. I wasn't moving. And I was trying to keep them from moving. But they weren't cooperating. They were moving. A lot. And because I was so stiff and tense, I couldn't adapt.

I realized Fabio was right. I knew what to do. I was just afraid to do it. What if it didn't work? What if I tried and failed?

I thought about those questions for a while and realized that it didn't matter if it didn't work. So what if I failed? What I was doing wasn't working, so I might as well try something else.

The next few classes after that were liberating. I moved a lot. I watched some of the higher belts who have similar styles to me, watched how they handled these muscly guys and tried to emulate them.

To my great surprise, it worked. Just like Fabio said it would.

All of this got me thinking about how similar this situation is to stepping out in faith. We say we believe in God, but we sit in our safe zone. But we rob ourselves of the victory and blessings we could have if we acted on the beliefs we say we have.

That's the funny thing about faith. You have to act before you get the results. You have to believe it BEFORE you see it. That's the opposite of what the world tells us. But it's the only way to grow.