Just Keep Moving

Have you ever had a grapple where you sat down and instantly you knew you were about to get trounced? Yeah...that happened to me the other night. Fabio told me to grapple Ben, one of the brown belts at our school, and as soon as I sat down across from him, I could tell by his facial expression that I was about to go "through it".

Ben didn't hurt me. But the roll was far from our usual relaxed, experimental flowing. The intensity was cranked up a notch. The sad thing (for me) is that he wasn't even going all out. He was just going at a level higher than I could adjust to.

And so, I spent most of the grapple defending. In fact, defending isn't even the right word. Scrambling is more like it. It felt like I couldn't get anywhere. I tried to go one way, it was blocked. I tried to go another way and ended up in a worse spot than before.

I remember thinking mid-grapple, "Just keep moving. Stay calm and just do what you can do."

I knew that my technique would not be enough to match Ben's. But all I could do was keep moving and do the things I knew how to do. The only other options would be to flail around randomly (in which case I would likely get submitted more) or quit (which was not going to happen. ;) ).

As I suspected, my best was not enough. I got submitted several times. But I did survive (thanks for not killing me, Ben. ;P). More importantly, though, the grapple made it abundantly clear where my biggest weak points were. I walked away a little bruised (especially in the region of my ego), but knowing what I needed to work on.

Lately, my life has been like that grapple with Ben. I feel like I've got no room to move and every move I make seems to put me in a worse position than I was before. But I have to keep moving. All I can do is make decisions based off of what I know to be right and true and to have faith that God will carry me through. Maybe I'll come out on the other side a little roughed up. But hopefully I will also come out with a better sense of what my strengths and weaknesses are and where I need to improve.

Sometimes the most difficult grapples can teach you the most. And likewise, some of the most challenging situations in life can bring you to a point of brokenness, where it becomes painfully clear just how much you still have left to learn.

When you get to that point, you have three choices. You can complain and get mad at the difficulty. You can become depressed and pity the wretched failure that think that you are. Or you can take stock and say, "This is where I need work. So let's get working."

"You Need to Believe"

Recently I had one of those days. Actually, it had been one of those months. It seemed like every time I grappled, nothing was working. It was especially frustrating because the people who I was having the most trouble with were big white belt guys. I kept getting angry because it seemed like they were just muscling past my guard and holding me, not really moving. But as much as I tried to blame them, I knew the problem was with myself. I felt like I should have been able to defend better against them; to control the fight more.

That day in particular, I tried to run off the mat right after class. I had been close to tears all throughout my last grapple and I knew I wouldn't be able to keep the frustration off my face. I needed to get out of there.

But Fabio caught my arm as I was leaving and asked what was wrong. I am sure he already knew, but I told him anyways. I was frustrated. I was trying, but nothing was working. I told him I didn't know what to do.

"You do know what to do," he told me. "You know what to do, but you're afraid. You have the technique, you just need to believe."

He explained to me that I needed to move my hips more and not try to hold those guys in my guard. He gave me a few examples of specific things I was doing wrong. At the time, I didn't say anything. I was too frustrated. I couldn't decide if he was right or if he was overestimating my ability.

But I went home and thought about it and realized he was right. I was afraid. Afraid of getting my guard passed, afraid of getting into a bad position, afraid of getting submitted. And because I was afraid, I was trying to stay in guard, which is my safe zone. I wasn't moving. And I was trying to keep them from moving. But they weren't cooperating. They were moving. A lot. And because I was so stiff and tense, I couldn't adapt.

I realized Fabio was right. I knew what to do. I was just afraid to do it. What if it didn't work? What if I tried and failed?

I thought about those questions for a while and realized that it didn't matter if it didn't work. So what if I failed? What I was doing wasn't working, so I might as well try something else.

The next few classes after that were liberating. I moved a lot. I watched some of the higher belts who have similar styles to me, watched how they handled these muscly guys and tried to emulate them.

To my great surprise, it worked. Just like Fabio said it would.

All of this got me thinking about how similar this situation is to stepping out in faith. We say we believe in God, but we sit in our safe zone. But we rob ourselves of the victory and blessings we could have if we acted on the beliefs we say we have.

That's the funny thing about faith. You have to act before you get the results. You have to believe it BEFORE you see it. That's the opposite of what the world tells us. But it's the only way to grow.