Sometimes I don't feel like going to class. I go anyways. But when I get there, I cringe at the thought of warm ups and trudge out onto the mat for grappling like a kid being dragged off to school. Feeling like that isn't the norm for me.
I've been dealing with a small health problem over the last six months or so. I kept getting sick. Nothing major. Low grade fever, cough, runny nose, achy joints--your regular flu-like symptoms. The main problem was how often I was getting sick; every couple of weeks.
Several doctor's visits, lab work-ups and antibiotic trials later, my doctor decided my immune system might be having trouble because I wasn't getting enough sleep. That seemed probable to me, since I wake up between 5-8 times a night and never really get into a deep sleep. So, she prescribed me a sleeping pill called Ambien.
Things went well at first. I slept through the night and woke up refreshed in the morning. But about a few months into taking the pill, I started having some problems. I started feeling down all the time. Mopey. It wasn't that I didn't have energy. I just felt apathetic and unmotivated. I didn't really want to see anyone or do anything. I was just feeling really depressed. When I wasn't depressed, I was highly emotional; crying at the drop of a hat or losing my temper over little things that normally wouldn't bother me.
My husband was the one who made the connection between my sudden depression and the Ambien. Since then, I've been weaning myself off the drug. New side effects from stopping the meds have cropped up. Headaches, irritability, etc. And I am still feeling general malaise, though it's been lessening. I have confidence that these things will subside soon after I the medicine out of my system, which could take up to a month.
But my life can't stop just because I don't feel like facing it. I have to get out of bed and take care of my family and do my job. Well, I suppose I don't HAVE to. I could just quit everything and lay in bed all day. But where would that get me? Into a worse position than I was originally.
The same is true of persevering in training situations. We don't feel like doing our cardio for the day. Or we don't feel like going to class. Maybe we feel like having a whole bunch of junk food or just vegging out instead of getting in some strength training. We have a choice in the matter. We can either suck it up and do the thing we don't want to do, or we can choose not to. We can give up.
But the thing is, I think that if we give into our feelings on the short term scale, we rob ourselves of happiness and joy in the long run. If we force ourselves to face things we don't want to do head on and get past that "hump", then we will reach our goals.
Romans 5:3 says, "3Not only so, but we[b] also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4perseverance, character; and character, hope."
Sometimes it sucks to have to go against your feelings; to train when you don't feel like it. It sucks even more to face difficult situations in life that we'd rather avoid. But when we face these mental challenges head on, keeping our goals in sight, I think we will find that our minds and spirits will grow in the same way that our muscles grow from a steady routine of exercise.
It's all in how you look at it. Learn to love the pain, both in the gym and out of it. It will make you stronger.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Jealousy
Lately, a topic has been coming up among my teenage girls at youth group that is pretty common: Jealousy. Usually, it involves the attention of some boy. Girl 1 likes boy. Boy hangs out with Girl 2. Girl 1 hates Girl 2 so much that she wants to trash Girl 2's name to everyone on the planet.Girl 2 decides to retaliate against Girl 1 and spread equally damaging rumors. Meanwhile, both Girl 1 and Girl 2 are pretending to be friends to each others faces. Pretty immature, right?
It got me thinking about having that kind of competitive mind frame with your "friends" at the BJJ gym. Competition here is not usually about cute boys (At least, not usually!! lol) but about the pride of being "better" than your teammates. I do see it from time to time with people--usually white belts--talking about wanting to "tap out" so-and-so to show them they are better.
This mind set is not only destructive to a team atmosphere, but it is also going to get in the way of personal growth. In my opinion, thinking this way about your teammates is result of insecurity.
So what if someone is better than you? So what if some guy in the gym gets more attention than you? Are you doing BJJ to get attention, or are you doing it because you love the sport and want to improve yourself?
All of this got me thinking about myself, trying to see if I had the roots of this sort of jealously in my own thinking. I am a competitive person and, like everyone else on the planet, I want people to like me. These are some things I came up with to keep my mind focused in the right direction:
1. My self-confidence should not rest in the opinions of other people.
2. My worth is not based on my performance in BJJ, but my identity as a child of God and the strength of my character both on and off the mat.
3. If others get more attention than me, I will not change my personality/grappling style to try to get more attention.
4. I will work humbly, patiently, diligently, and with enjoyment toward my goal.
Just like girls in High School overestimate how important some boy's opinion is, I think sometimes people can get too wrapped up in trying to impress other people at the gym. It's not about how good people think you are. It's about coming to learn, have fun, get in shape and grow in your ability to defend yourself.
It got me thinking about having that kind of competitive mind frame with your "friends" at the BJJ gym. Competition here is not usually about cute boys (At least, not usually!! lol) but about the pride of being "better" than your teammates. I do see it from time to time with people--usually white belts--talking about wanting to "tap out" so-and-so to show them they are better.
This mind set is not only destructive to a team atmosphere, but it is also going to get in the way of personal growth. In my opinion, thinking this way about your teammates is result of insecurity.
So what if someone is better than you? So what if some guy in the gym gets more attention than you? Are you doing BJJ to get attention, or are you doing it because you love the sport and want to improve yourself?
All of this got me thinking about myself, trying to see if I had the roots of this sort of jealously in my own thinking. I am a competitive person and, like everyone else on the planet, I want people to like me. These are some things I came up with to keep my mind focused in the right direction:
1. My self-confidence should not rest in the opinions of other people.
2. My worth is not based on my performance in BJJ, but my identity as a child of God and the strength of my character both on and off the mat.
3. If others get more attention than me, I will not change my personality/grappling style to try to get more attention.
4. I will work humbly, patiently, diligently, and with enjoyment toward my goal.
Just like girls in High School overestimate how important some boy's opinion is, I think sometimes people can get too wrapped up in trying to impress other people at the gym. It's not about how good people think you are. It's about coming to learn, have fun, get in shape and grow in your ability to defend yourself.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Giving Up Too Early
Mario, one of my instructors, has recently bee getting onto me about letting go of submissions too early. This happens mostly with chokes. I'll have someone in a choke, hold it for a few seconds and, when they don't tap, I let them go.
"You had it!" he tells me, "Why did you let it go?"
And I usually shrug and say, "I didn't think I had it."
I think I do this a lot in other areas of my life. I don't like it when people are angry at me. I don't like drama/confrontation. Also, if things don't work immediately--for example, if I start up a new service ministry for the youth group and only two kids show up on the first day--I doubt myself and wonder if I am doing the right thing. In the face of angry people or seemingly failed plans, sometimes I abandon them and move onto other things.
Maybe I'm giving up too early.
I try to remember this principle: If it was easy, everyone would do it. It's true about diet and exercise. If being in shape was easy, America wouldn't be full of fatties. But saying no to that extra cookie and getting up early to work out aren't easy. Hence the spare tires.
Same is true of a lot of ventures in life. Just because I meet a little resistance doesn't mean I'm "doing it wrong". In fact, it might mean I'm doing it right and stepping on a few toes of the people who want to keep on the path of least resistance.
"You had it!" he tells me, "Why did you let it go?"
And I usually shrug and say, "I didn't think I had it."
I think I do this a lot in other areas of my life. I don't like it when people are angry at me. I don't like drama/confrontation. Also, if things don't work immediately--for example, if I start up a new service ministry for the youth group and only two kids show up on the first day--I doubt myself and wonder if I am doing the right thing. In the face of angry people or seemingly failed plans, sometimes I abandon them and move onto other things.
Maybe I'm giving up too early.
I try to remember this principle: If it was easy, everyone would do it. It's true about diet and exercise. If being in shape was easy, America wouldn't be full of fatties. But saying no to that extra cookie and getting up early to work out aren't easy. Hence the spare tires.
Same is true of a lot of ventures in life. Just because I meet a little resistance doesn't mean I'm "doing it wrong". In fact, it might mean I'm doing it right and stepping on a few toes of the people who want to keep on the path of least resistance.
Letting Go: Part Two
In class, there's always "that guy". He's the one who goes hard on everybody--big, small, newbie, veteran--and tries to choke them all out or rip their arms of their bodies. He never relaxes in a roll because he can't stand to have his guard passed or, heaven forbid, to get tapped out. His sole reason for coming is to show everyone how awesome he is by tapping people out. For him, that is the whole point of BJJ: being a better fighter than everyone else and being able to submit them.
At our school, we call these people "head hunters".
The word "team" has no meaning for this person. And their game? Probably leans heavily on muslce and crazy bursts of movement. They don't rely heavily on technique because they can't let go during a grapple and relax--for fear of the other person gaining an advantage--so they stagnate where they are.
Sometimes, the biggest hindrance to your game is not your inability to perform a technique correctly. Sometimes it's pride. Plain and simple. You're too focused on trying to impress other people to grow.
Ok. Switch gears. Let me tell you a little bit about how awesome I am. I have a youth group with about 60 active kids. I give lessons every Wednesday, Sunday and most Thursdays. People tell me they're great lessons. Even when I'm at home, I'm counseling kids via text, IM or phone. I hang out with them constantly, do discipleship. You know, lead by example. I tithe at my church, serve at a place called Good Samaritan Mission, volunteer to help out with other ministries at the church. There's rarely a day that goes by that I'm not doing something spiritual.
Pretty awesome right? Wrong. Because I just spent the last few minutes trying to impress you with all my service.
MY service.
That's what's wrong with this picture. It's about me. It's so easy for people who attend church regularly to fall into this trap. Just like the head hunter who thinks BJJ is all about the tap, some Christians think Christianity is all about the recognition for who is the most "spiritual" or "godly" or who "has the biggest servant's heart".
Instead of seeking God's will, they seek to impress people. They seek to make themselves look good. And, just as is true in the example of the head hunter, they can not grow because they are too busy trying to keep up appearances to be humble enough to ask God what He wants them to do.
What if he wants them to do something lowly, like fold the bulletins for Sunday morning? That job gets done in the church office at a time of the day when only one or two other people are there. No one gets commended for doing it. It is a needed job, but it's not as cool as heading up the food pantry ministry or teaching a Sunday School class. You get noticed when you do stuff like that.
You don't have to be a Christian to fall into this trap. I sometimes see it in celebrities who do philanthropic work for recognition. Sure, a lot of them have good motives. But just as many are trying to gain a little popularity by "going green" or donating large sums of money to some charity for children.
A lot of times, this behavior also leads to legalism. People want to prove how "good or godly" they are. The Pharisees and the teachers of the law in Jesus' time were like this. And this is what Jesus said about them:
"Isaiah was right when he prophesied about you hypocrites; as it is written: 'These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. They worship m in vain; their teachings are rules taught by men." (Mark 7:6-7)
How many people brag about how much they read the Bible? Jesus said:
"You diligently study the scriptures because you think by them you possess eternal life. These are the Scriptures that testify about me, but you refuse to come to me to have life...How can you believe if you accept praise from one another, yet make no effort to obtain the praise that comes from the only God?" (John 5:39-44)
The attitude He wants--the attitude we NEED if we are going to grow either as Christians or in BJJ--is this:
"If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul."
We have to let go of our need to impress people. In the BJJ gym, we have to let go of that need to prove that we are awesome. In our walks with God, we have to let go of that need to impress people with how much service we do, or how much we know about the Bible, or whatever it is we think makes us great.
It's all a show unless it's done for God's glory and by His power.
At our school, we call these people "head hunters".
The word "team" has no meaning for this person. And their game? Probably leans heavily on muslce and crazy bursts of movement. They don't rely heavily on technique because they can't let go during a grapple and relax--for fear of the other person gaining an advantage--so they stagnate where they are.
Sometimes, the biggest hindrance to your game is not your inability to perform a technique correctly. Sometimes it's pride. Plain and simple. You're too focused on trying to impress other people to grow.
Ok. Switch gears. Let me tell you a little bit about how awesome I am. I have a youth group with about 60 active kids. I give lessons every Wednesday, Sunday and most Thursdays. People tell me they're great lessons. Even when I'm at home, I'm counseling kids via text, IM or phone. I hang out with them constantly, do discipleship. You know, lead by example. I tithe at my church, serve at a place called Good Samaritan Mission, volunteer to help out with other ministries at the church. There's rarely a day that goes by that I'm not doing something spiritual.
Pretty awesome right? Wrong. Because I just spent the last few minutes trying to impress you with all my service.
MY service.
That's what's wrong with this picture. It's about me. It's so easy for people who attend church regularly to fall into this trap. Just like the head hunter who thinks BJJ is all about the tap, some Christians think Christianity is all about the recognition for who is the most "spiritual" or "godly" or who "has the biggest servant's heart".
Instead of seeking God's will, they seek to impress people. They seek to make themselves look good. And, just as is true in the example of the head hunter, they can not grow because they are too busy trying to keep up appearances to be humble enough to ask God what He wants them to do.
What if he wants them to do something lowly, like fold the bulletins for Sunday morning? That job gets done in the church office at a time of the day when only one or two other people are there. No one gets commended for doing it. It is a needed job, but it's not as cool as heading up the food pantry ministry or teaching a Sunday School class. You get noticed when you do stuff like that.
You don't have to be a Christian to fall into this trap. I sometimes see it in celebrities who do philanthropic work for recognition. Sure, a lot of them have good motives. But just as many are trying to gain a little popularity by "going green" or donating large sums of money to some charity for children.
A lot of times, this behavior also leads to legalism. People want to prove how "good or godly" they are. The Pharisees and the teachers of the law in Jesus' time were like this. And this is what Jesus said about them:
"Isaiah was right when he prophesied about you hypocrites; as it is written: 'These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. They worship m in vain; their teachings are rules taught by men." (Mark 7:6-7)
How many people brag about how much they read the Bible? Jesus said:
"You diligently study the scriptures because you think by them you possess eternal life. These are the Scriptures that testify about me, but you refuse to come to me to have life...How can you believe if you accept praise from one another, yet make no effort to obtain the praise that comes from the only God?" (John 5:39-44)
The attitude He wants--the attitude we NEED if we are going to grow either as Christians or in BJJ--is this:
"If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul."
We have to let go of our need to impress people. In the BJJ gym, we have to let go of that need to prove that we are awesome. In our walks with God, we have to let go of that need to impress people with how much service we do, or how much we know about the Bible, or whatever it is we think makes us great.
It's all a show unless it's done for God's glory and by His power.
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